So, yes, still pregnant. Going on 36 1/2 weeks now. Last I left you, I was in my 24th week of this pregnancy and anxious as hell. Physically, this pregnancy has been going wonderfully. Psychologically and emotionally, as you might imagine, it’s been a bit tumultuous. Even with the reassurances from my doctors that all is well, I have been taking everything in with — well, cautious optimism, I guess you could say.
I saw a specialist a few months ago, and he was able to show me in an ultrasound, this baby’s cord insertion and its relation to the placenta. With my own eyes, I saw the umbilical cord and how it was planted (yes!) right in the middle of the placenta. With Sophie, her cord was inserted onto the edge of the placenta — a very precarious and vulnerable placement, as it turned out.
The specialist also told me that the placement of the placenta with this pregnancy is different too. With Sophie, the placenta was on the front wall of my uterus, which actually acted as a buffer between us. I couldn’t feel Sophie move the way I can feel this one move. Every turn, twist, kick and hiccup I feel much, much more with this baby.
Huh, I guess I’ve been doing a lot of that — comparing this pregnancy to my pregnancy with Sophie. To be expected, I guess.
Over the past few months, I have been doing everything I can to look at my fears and be with them. My therapist has been really helpful with doing just that. In addition, I have also started meditating…sitting, being able to see my thought stream without necessarily going along for the ride…that has been extraordinarily instrumental in keeping my sanity. That, and watching endless natural birthing videos on YouTube…I’ve been trying to convince myself that — yes, I too am capable of having LIVE babies. *Sigh* I cannot wait to hear this baby breathe, to hear her cry, to hold her in my arms.
I feel my body getting ready to deliver this one. These past two days, my tailbone has been very sore, which I take to mean that my bones are making room for her passage. Also, a few nights ago, I dreamt I was in labor. And everything in my dream was so beautifully, vibrantly colorful. The next night, I had another dream. In it, I saw a family in the distance, a mom, a dad and a little girl. The little girl then started walking towards me. As she got closer, something in my mind said: This is your baby. I picked her up and held her in my arms. I sniffed the top of her head and said, “You smell SO good.” Then she asked me: “Mommy, are you ready? I want to be here with you. What are we waiting for?”
I’m ready. Whenever you want to come, I’m ready for you.
Her “official” due date is the 29th of September. But I’ve been told, babies come when they come…I’ll keep you posted!